Heather Homocide. (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} this_propoganda) wrote,@ 2006-09-16 22:57:00 |
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Why do i even get my hopes up about anything anymore? I mean, i know anything that's going to make me excited in the least bit i shouldn't trust. It's always been the same with my family, friends, boyfriends. Very few people have ever broken that standard. Ken broke it but, he fucked it up greatly as well. Maybe i'll just start writing stories of my life in here and not just leave innuendos like this.
Ken. Ken was a boy. I probably would've married Ken. I was so in love with Ken and he was in love with me. But, he was a drug dealer and before he was with me he did heroin or coke. Some heavy drug. I never listened long enough to remember. I didn't wanna hear about it. We'd make plans to hang out, or have plans with another one of the couples we hung out with and he wouldn't answer his cell phone or he'd be arrested and either show up over 2 hours late or not show up at all. Have me worried to death about him. He got arrested on my birthday. Didn't even see him. I got fed up with it eventually. I broke up with him. He almost crashed his car into a ditch. He got home and called me and was crying his eyes out and it took all my strength not to take him back. And then he started using again then he went to rehab and now he's in back in jersey and better. He asked me to marry him while he had just gotten out of rehab. Had to break his heart again and say no. I just couldn't. I'm too young.
But, back to my rant. Everyone in my family has let me down. They never come to anything i ever do. Like my winterguard competitions, and marching band, and drum corps or my band or choir concerts. I can have the biggest solo in the world and they won't come. My friends say they're going to come. Do they ever? No. It's like i don't matter. My best friend is always ditching me for her boyfriend whom she's with everyday. And she's like well, i'm hanging out with Jer today. Like, it's something i haven't heard before. I was actually supposed to hang out with her one day recently. I asked her in homeroom and she was like yea, i just have to see what my mom says. I called her later that day and she was like Oh, well, Jer's here and i don't know if he wants to hang out with anyone else. I was like what the hell. I can't deal. I just can't fucking deal. This is probably the most angst ridden entry i've ever written but, i needed it right now.
Ken. Ken was a boy. I probably would've married Ken. I was so in love with Ken and he was in love with me. But, he was a drug dealer and before he was with me he did heroin or coke. Some heavy drug. I never listened long enough to remember. I didn't wanna hear about it. We'd make plans to hang out, or have plans with another one of the couples we hung out with and he wouldn't answer his cell phone or he'd be arrested and either show up over 2 hours late or not show up at all. Have me worried to death about him. He got arrested on my birthday. Didn't even see him. I got fed up with it eventually. I broke up with him. He almost crashed his car into a ditch. He got home and called me and was crying his eyes out and it took all my strength not to take him back. And then he started using again then he went to rehab and now he's in back in jersey and better. He asked me to marry him while he had just gotten out of rehab. Had to break his heart again and say no. I just couldn't. I'm too young.
But, back to my rant. Everyone in my family has let me down. They never come to anything i ever do. Like my winterguard competitions, and marching band, and drum corps or my band or choir concerts. I can have the biggest solo in the world and they won't come. My friends say they're going to come. Do they ever? No. It's like i don't matter. My best friend is always ditching me for her boyfriend whom she's with everyday. And she's like well, i'm hanging out with Jer today. Like, it's something i haven't heard before. I was actually supposed to hang out with her one day recently. I asked her in homeroom and she was like yea, i just have to see what my mom says. I called her later that day and she was like Oh, well, Jer's here and i don't know if he wants to hang out with anyone else. I was like what the hell. I can't deal. I just can't fucking deal. This is probably the most angst ridden entry i've ever written but, i needed it right now.
